Some humorous quotes from American humorist Evan Esar (1899-1995).

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Character is what you have left when you’ve lost everything you can lose.

You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.

And my favorite:

Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.